Setting Boundaries as a Caregiver
Caregiving is a selfless act, and one that many people do out of love for a family member or other valued person. But being a caregiver can also come with a personal cost, as caregivers lose their sense of the boundary between caring for others and caring for themselves.
As a caregiver, it is essential that you remain committed to your personal boundaries, making sure that you give yourself time and space to address your personal needs for rest, relaxation, and fulfillment. This foundation for positive self-care is vital in improving your well-being and maintaining it over the "long goodbye" of Alzheimer's disease and other chronic illnesses.
Setting firm boundaries for yourself ultimately protects both you and your loved one: By showing the courage to value your own needs, and maintaining your own mental and physical health, you ultimately enhance the quality of care you can provide to your loved one.
Here is some guidance for how to set and maintain your personal boundaries:
Accept both your good and your bad emotions. Caregiving can be built on feelings of love, gratification, and satisfaction. But it can also lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacies, and resentment towards your loved one and your current situation. Recognizing and accepting these negative emotions as a normal part of caregiving can help you craft boundaries that can help prevent the triggering of these emotions.
Define your boundaries. Reflect on past situations that caused you to experience negative feelings. Consider how it impacted your intellectual, physical, spiritual, or emotional needs. For example, if you recently skipped an important meeting, or celebration with a close friend, or a cherished activity because of your caregiving duties, ask yourself what you might have done differently to avert that situation. Try to set that triggering event as a “boundary” for yourself and make a commitment that you will be reluctant to cross that boundary.
Set boundaries according to your values. Values are the moral compass, the blueprint, or map that helps guide our decisions and how we want to live our lives. When we push against a value, it lays the groundwork for resentment. If one of your core values is to practice gratitude, then set that as a boundary that you commit to engage with every day.
Reach out to others. Being aware of a boundary or personal threshold enables you to be able to reach out to others when you need help staying within that boundary. This act is not a sign of weakness; rather, it means you are strong enough to realize that your emotional and physical health is at risk.
Communicate clearly. Learn to listen to yourself. There will be times when you are overworked, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. If there is a new task that needs attention, ask yourself honestly if you are really able to take it on at this time. If there is hesitation, then getting help is the more realistic solution. Remember that saying “no” means that you know your limits, and when you’re there, you are really there.
Build a community outside of your caregiving relationship. Connecting with others or joining a support group can give you a welcoming environment in which to share the emotional experience of caregiving. This is not something you have to do alone.
This content is made possible through the contributions of NAN Expert Jen Paranhos.
Adapted from:
https://psychcentral.com/health/quotes-healthy-boundaries#tips-on-setting-boundaries
