How to Respond When Your Loved One With Dementia Accuses You of Having an Affair
As hard as this sounds, if your loved one with dementia accuses you of having an affair, do your best to stay calm. How you respond can make all the difference.
The first thing to do is remind yourself that this misunderstanding and untruth are due to the dementia. Changes in how the brain works can lead to confusion, false beliefs known as delusions, or forgetfulness, which may contribute to this comment.
Your response should be based on understanding that this is a product of the illness, accompanied by a dose of patience, empathy, and a focus on their emotional well-being, rather than the specific content of their accusations. Dementia can cause a person to perceive things differently than they once did, and it's essential to help them feel safe and loved, even if they don’t always understand as they would have in the past.
Try these tips:
Try Not To Argue or Get Defensive
Reacting with frustration, anger, or defensiveness can escalate the situation, causing further distress for both you and your loved one. Take a deep breath and respond gently. Keep in mind, your loved one isn’t intentionally trying to upset you. They are expressing how they feel based on their perceived reality.
Try To Avoid Correcting Them
While their brain is effectively making up a story, your loved one is unaware of this occurrence. Dementia can affect their ability to understand or accept the truth. Instead of trying to correct them, you might try to redirect the conversation in a way that doesn’t focus on the accusation.
Try To Empathize With Them
Your loved one may feel insecure or fearful due to memory loss and confusion. Reassurance can help reduce their anxiety. Gently reassure them of your commitment to them but do so in a calm and consistent manner.
Try To Stay Patient and Compassionate
Your loved one may bring up the same accusation multiple times due to memory loss. It's important to stay patient and compassionate. If the accusation comes up again, repeat your calm response without showing frustration.
Try these responses:
Give them a kiss and a hug and tell them, “No one could compare to you” and then try not to give it another thought.
"I love you, and I'm right here with you. You’re very important to me, and I’ll always be here to support you."
"I know you’re worried, and I want you to know that I’m here with you and we’re in this together."
As always, be sure to alert your loved one's health care provider if this issue continues to cause upset to your loved one or gets worse, not better, over time. Let your NAN Navigator know at any time if you feel you need more guidance, information, or support as you manage this difficult situation.
