Caregiving and Conflict!
Dear Caregivers,
There are some days when, after reading the morning news, I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. And I consider myself an optimist! I truly believe that most people in their heart are good, and that science and society ultimately produce positive progress over the long term. Still, it seems as though right now the world is stuck in something of a rut of troubles.
In these troubled times, one thing you can do to find a sense of peace is to “act locally” and strive to resolve your own conflicts at home. For a caregiving of a loved one suffering from Alzheimer's, this can be particularly challenging, as the disease slowly progresses and produces new challenges on a regular basis for you, your family, and your caregiving village to resolve.
Still, there are some time-honored practices you can do to build an oasis of quiet in your own life — at least, until the next challenge arises.
Pause to Think Before You React: It’s important to step back and reflect on a conflict area rather than responding quickly and impulsively, which can lead to emotional overreactions. Take a little time, and take a deep breath, so that you can prepare yourself to enter a thoughtful conversation about the issue.
Practice “Active Listening": Give others in the conversation your full attention, with receptive body language, and prepare to reflect back to them your understanding of what they are saying.
Attack the Problem, Not the Person: Keep your focus on finding a solution to the problem itself, rather than assigning blame and disparaging the people who you think are responsible for the issue. Make everyone feel respected.
Use Language that Evokes “I”, not “You”: In your conversation, focus on expressing how you feel, as in “I feel frustrated when…”, rather than framing the issue in terms of “You always…”
Acknowledge Your Responsibility: Express to others that you are aware that you have played a role in creating or exacerbating the issue, without placing blame on anyone.
Focus on Shared Interests and Mutual Gain: Strive to find areas of common ground that helps everyone, rather than arguing over fixed positions and unwavering stances.
For better and for worse, the human brain has evolved to create conflicts to achieve a goal. Happily, our minds are also quite expert at resolving conflicts peacefully, recognizing that everyone has something to gain from getting to a resolution.
Here’s more advice on coping with conflict resolution:
Conflict Resolution:
Conflict resolution among family members is essential because when family dynamics are strained, it can hinder the effectiveness of caregiving and support. The goal of resolving conflict is to foster understanding, empathy, and cooperation, ultimately benefiting everyone involved. Here is an overview and tips for achieving harmony.
Difficult Conversations: Discussing the Need for a Move:
None of us know for sure when our loved one will need more supervision and care, but we know it will happen eventually. Therefore it makes sense to discuss with your loved one the potential need for moving, long before such a move is needed. Here is some guidance.
Difficult Conversations: Financial Affairs:
Even in the most loving families, money is often a taboo subject of conversation, especially between parents and their adult children. Unfortunately, when Alzheimer’s disease is progressing there are many ways financial affairs can become problematic. Here are some strategies for beginning that important but often difficult conversation.
Remember, if you can’t find the information you need on our website, you can always “Ask NAN” by clicking on this link.
Best,
Rosemary D Laird, MD, MHSA
Founder and Chief Medical Officer
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”
— Albert Einstein
