Frames of Mind

 

Dear Caregivers,

The author F. Scott Fitzgerald once observed that "the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." It certainly seems true for this particular time in our lives. The world seems to be convulsed with conflicts between contentious ideas and behaviors, and nothing seems “normal.” 
 
This can also be true of a caregiver of a loved one suffering from Alzheimer’s. As the disease progresses, your loved one may show signs of being in a mental state that conflicts with reality. You may face differences of viewpoints with your family, friends, and health providers on how to proceed on some issue that needs to be resolved. 
 
And as a caregiver, you may be torn by conflicting states of your own mind, between tender love and intense frustration, between deep satisfaction with your role and guilt for negative feelings that may occasionally arise, and questioning your own sense of purpose. 
 
In these times, it’s best to embrace the words of Fitzgerald: There is no absolutely right or wrong way to do anything, or only one “correct” way to think about anything. There is only the recognition—which can be taken as a sign of your first-rate “caregiver intelligence”—that there are many complexities in life and accepting these unresolved differences, and making the best decision you can despite them, is the best path forward.
 
Here are some more tips on juggling different frames of mind: 

Caregiver Guilt:

Feelings of guilt are normal for caregivers, yet they are difficult to process. Recognizing and understanding the source of the guilt is the first step towards finding a way to cope with these feelings. Here are some of the more common reasons caregivers give for feeling guilty, and strategies for coping.

Conflict Resolution:

Conflict resolution among family members is essential because when family dynamics are strained, it can hinder the effectiveness of caregiving and support. The goal of resolving conflict is to foster understanding, empathy, and cooperation, ultimately benefiting everyone involved. Here is an overview and tips for achieving harmony.

Supporting a Loved One in Denial of Their Diagnosis:

Given that the early stages of dementia are marked by forgetfulness and confusion, it’s no wonder a loved one may not seem to understand the illness they have. And some outright deny it. Here’s how to best support your loved one and information to help you understand this challenging situation.

Remember, if you can’t find the information you need on our website, you can always “Ask NAN” by clicking on this link.

Best,
Rosemary D Laird, MD, MHSA
Founder and Chief Medical Officer


“You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.”

 Pema Chödrön

 
 
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