Managing the Stress of the Holidays
Holidays are traditionally a spirited, happy time, but they can be challenging for caregivers, their loved ones, and their families and friends.
There are ways to help maintain the enjoyment of the holiday time, however, and let everyone focus on the family ― even if one of the family has Alzheimer’s Disease. Here are some tips:
Leave “yesteryear” in the past. Life brings changes, and for all of us, each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by comparing this holiday season with the “good ol’ days.” What can you all do today to enjoy yourselves?!
Keep your expectations manageable. Try to set realistic goals: Pace yourself, organize your time, and make a list of important activities, being realistic about what you can and cannot do.
Do not put the entire focus on a single day. Remember, it is a holiday season, and activities can be spread over several days or weeks to lessen everyone’s stress and increase enjoyment for all.
Plan ahead. Your loved one’s memory loss can make it harder for them, and everyone else, to enjoy typical holiday events. In addition, memory loss can cause emotional instability in your loved one, which can flare up during even the most wonderful moments.
As you plan for the holiday, reflect on how your loved one deals with crowds. What is the right number of people? What is your loved one’s best time of day, favorite food, music, people, and activities? Conversely, consider your loved one’s worst time of day, least favorite foods, and triggers that can upset them.
Most important, think of outlining the day with planned activities, which can help your loved one enjoy an event a bit more than having hours of unstructured visiting time. After all, even with dear family members, it can be tough to generate an ongoing conversation.
Here are some ways to keep everyone engaged:
Make Some Joyful Noise: Music is a terrific accompaniment for the holiday season, and research says that listening to and making music is good for everyone’s temperament and stress levels. Music can help lift people’s moods, calm anxiety, and is a good ice breaker to get groups feeling better about being together. Singing holiday or seasonally-themed songs is a great group activity – just make sure you have access to the song lyrics, so that everyone can sing along!
Create a Quiet Space: Conversely, too much commotion at a family gathering can sometimes be overwhelming to your loved one. One solution is to create a cozy, quiet space in a room away from the source of the noise. Your loved one can have a rest there, and each family member can make a visit one at a time, so your loved one can benefit from seeing everyone without the stress of noise and trying to follow multiple conversations. An alternative might be that if you have a set of headphones, your loved one might appreciate some quiet time with headphones, playing relaxing music, if things get too noisy.
Reconnect with Artistic Flair! You can make a small craft project, having everyone make a holiday collage of pictures, words, and other images that are cut from last year’s greeting cards, or holiday-themed wrapping paper. Situating your loved one near the project site will guarantee a visit from everyone during the course of the party.
When in Doubt…FOOD! Make your loved one’s favorite recipe, or a favorite of yours or a family member. Try to find a way to include your loved one in the preparation of the food, or decorating, or even just the eating! Or all three.
Tell Stories of the Past: Keep in mind that in Alzheimer’s patients, their long-term memories typically remain stronger than more recent memories. Help your loved one reminisce about important positive life events such as a wedding or favorite trip. Be sure you are ready to prompt and help keep the stories flowing. Having the family photo album on hand can help generate stories and conversation. You can even have someone in the younger generation act as an “interviewer.” For example, you might prompt a child to ask “Grandpa, tell me about your favorite Christmas gift when you were a child.” Don’t worry if a particular detail is “remembered incorrectly” or if your loved one doesn’t recognize someone in a photo – this will inevitably happen. Instead, focus on the enjoyable moment you are creating and experiencing with your loved one! You can even make a video or audio recording of the discussion that the family will likely value for years to come.
Tell Family and Friends What to Expect: Sometimes a visitor to a holiday gathering may not be prepared to see the changes that have occurred in your loved one. Left unprepared this can lead to uncomfortable moments and even unintended mistreatment. Consider sending an advance email or card to everyone who is attending the holiday gathering that lays out, in a simple, respectful, and loving way, that your loved one may seem to have changed since the last time you were all together, such as having lost weight, or having more difficulty speaking, or using a cane, or becoming quickly agitated or tired.
Holidays are a special time for friends and family to come together and enjoy the special community you have all forged together. Despite the challenges of your role as caregiver for someone with Alzheimer's, you and your family can create new and lasting experiences at this festive time.
Please talk with your own/loved one’s healthcare provider before using any of this information.
