The Challenge of Intimacy
Dear Caregivers,
It is a bittersweet irony of Alzheimer’s that the more the disease takes away from our loved ones, the more intimacy is required to care for them.
As the disease progresses, our loved ones lose more of their independence for even the most basic needs, and require us to step in to help them, often in ways we never had previously.
Our loved ones, too, can feel this relentless erosion of their independence, which can often give rise to frustration, resistance, or even anger. There is probably no greater challenge than when a caregiver needs to step in to help a loved one with intimate behaviors such as bathing, for example, or getting dressed, or dealing with the inner workings of a mind that is experiencing delusional thoughts and hallucinations.
Caregiving is indeed a labor of love, to which situations like these loudly testify. Here’s some advice on how to cope.
Overcoming Difficulties in Bathing and Showering:
Because bathing is such a uniquely private activity, your loved one may not want your help, and may actively resist. But for most of our loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease, the time will come when they need some assistance. To ensure success with this important activity, it’s best if you tailor your support to match your loved one’s ability. Here are some guidelines.
Coping with Auditory or Visual Hallucinations:
Hallucinations are incorrect interpretations of what is seen or heard and can be caused by diseases like Alzheimer's, which alter the way the brain interprets sights and sounds. A hallucination can be very convincing to your loved one, with the result that they have a false understanding of what they are seeing or hearing. In some cases this can upset them, or can lead them into dangerous situations. Here’s how to cope with hallucinations.
Managing Difficult Behaviors:
Many caregivers report that some of their greatest challenges come from the mood, personality, and behavior changes that can occur as Alzheimer’s disease impacts the brain. Handling these situations requires your understanding that, first, this behavior is happening because of the disease and second, this behavior is not meant as a deliberate, personal attack on you. Here are some strategies that will help you cope with the challenges you may face if your loved one displays difficult behaviors.
Remember, if you can’t find the information you need on our website, you can always “Ask NAN” by clicking on this link.
Best,
Rosemary D Laird, MD, MHSA
Founder and Chief Medical Officer
“If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend.”
— Henri Nouwen
