Alzheimer's and Motherhood
Dear Caregivers,
Aside from the enormous impact on mental and physical health that a caregiver experiences as a result of the stress of their day-to-day duties, there is also often a profound impact on the overall relationship between mother and her caregiver as the disease progresses. After all, each person has spent years in certain well-defined roles, and then in a short time many of the dynamics of the relationship may undergo dramatic changes.
These changes may include the caregiver’s new role in making decisions once made by their mother, the loneliness of living with the role reversal of as your mother transitions into new disabilities and behaviors, the guilt have having negative emotional reactions, the inability to communicate effectively, and losing sight of your own needs and emotional support.
As we celebrate our mothers this Mother’s Day, keep in mind that no matter what the extent of her disease may be, she is still at heart your mother. And, like all relationships, the one between you and your mother is one that is evolving to meet your new circumstances.
To keep the right perspective as you do this, remember to separate the impact of the illness from the person experiencing it, and recognize that the disease is changing your mother’s behavior, but not her core self. Find new ways to communicate with her through touch, music, or other forms of being close.
At the same time, practice “self-compassion:” Forgive yourself for having complex emotions, set realistic expectations for what you can accomplish, maintain your own interests and identity, and seek help whenever you need it.
Remember, you are not alone in this process: You have your family, friends, and your NAN Navigator. And of course, your mother is there, too, as best as she can be.
Here’s some more guidance on thinking about your relationships on Mother’s Day.
The Challenges of Role Reversal in Caregiving:
You likely spent most of your life seeing your parent as a provider, protector, and decision-maker. Now, it is you who are in the role of being provider, protector, and decision-maker in your parent's life. Here’s how to manage that transition.
Keeping Your Personal Relationships Strong While Caregiving:
The stresses of caregiving can cause significant strains on a marriage or any other relationship. Here’s how to keep stress at bay and keep your personal relationships healthy.
Finding the Joy as a Family Caregiver:
The challenge that family caregivers face is to learn acceptance, to live in the present moment, and to let go of things you cannot control. This is a challenge to be sure, but if there can be any joy in caregiving, this is where it is.
Remember, if you can’t find the information you need on our website, you can always “Ask NAN” by clicking on this link.
Best,
Rosemary D Laird, MD, MHSA
Founder and Chief Medical Officer
“Motherhood is the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary — it's an act of infinite optimism.”
— Gilda Radner
