Managing Anger
It’s a fact of caregiving that all of us, at some time, will experience and express anger at our loved one.
Dear Caregivers,
It can happen suddenly and without any notice: A sudden eruption of anger directed toward your loved one.
Maybe you tried to keep your cool, or you may not have even felt it coming on, but suddenly it was there: Your heart was beating fast, your voice raised, and you were venting some pent-up frustration at your loved one over some trivial matter.
Then just as suddenly, it’s over. And though your anger has subsided, you may feel guilty that you let your emotions escalate.
It’s a fact of caregiving that all of us, at some time, will experience and express anger at our loved one. You are, after all, human, and feeling angry is part of the human experience. The recognition that this very human trait occurs in all of us is the cornerstone of how you can cope with it, helping to prevent bursts of anger and alleviating the feelings of guilt that often follow.
Take a reality check: Understand that anger is part of the human emotional toolkit. It may not be a pleasant emotion, but it is part of all of us.
Show compassion, especially for yourself: Recognize that the first step in having compassion for others is acknowledging that you yourself are not perfect, and show compassion for yourself.
Recognize your triggers: Is there a particular situation or event that sometimes leads to anger, more than others? For example, if getting ready to leave the house sometimes creates a situation that erupts in anger, you might try to give yourself and your loved one plenty of time to prepare to go.
Manage expectations: Remember that you can’t do everything, all the time, and that sometimes your expectations will fall short. Prepare to be flexible.
Keep an eye out for growing resentment: Are you feeling that your family members are not helping enough, or that you are being taken advantage of in some way? Laying a groundwork of resentment will eventually make anger more prevalent. If there are issues that need to be resolved with your family or friends, make that a top priority.
Have perspective: Remember that your loved one has an illness that is changing their intellectual abilities and emotional stability. It's the disease that is causing the problem, not your loved one. It is very unlikely they are doing a particular behavior on purpose to make you angry.
Be prepared for change: Unfortunately, Alzheimer’s disease will continue to change your loved one’s behavior, and so you need to be aware of what lies ahead for both of you.
Practice gratitude: Remember that in the midst of all this turmoil, there are moments of joy and, still, much to be grateful for.
Care for the caregiver: Take a break. Exercise. Find time for personal pleasure. If you are concerned about your anger, resentment, or frustration, seek help. Chapter 9 of Take Your Oxygen First covers this topic. Your NAN Navigator will be able to help you find resources.
Caregiving is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and unfortunately anger is an inevitable human part of that journey; it’s what you do with that emotion that makes all the difference.
Here are some further tips on managing the emotional side of caregiving.
Communicating With Your Loved One:
Communicating with a loved one with Alzheimer's can be challenging, as the illness robs your loved one of their abilities to remember and process information during a conversation. But there are ways you can make it easier for both of you to communicate effectively.
Symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease:
While Alzheimer's disease develops slowly over many years and every person has a unique path through the illness, there are some common symptoms. These collections of symptoms have been grouped into various stages of disease progression. Here is an overview of what to expect.
Managing Difficult Behaviors:
For caregivers some of their greatest challenges come from the mood, personality, and behavior changes that can occur as Alzheimer’s disease impacts the brain. Here are some recommendations for handling these situations.
Remember, if you can’t find the information you need on our website, you can always “Ask NAN” by clicking on this link.
Best,
Rosemary D Laird, MD, MHSA
Founder and Chief Medical Officer
“Getting off balance is a normal part of being human, but learning how to bring oneself back into balance is at the core of emotional health.”
— Maureen Healy
